Iddo's Universe
Enter quirky description about my journal here

Repressed by freedom

So... It's been a while since I used this site for anything.
It doesn't really feel like much of a journal when I don't even use my native language, is what I thought. Plus, no one is ever going to read any of this, anyway!
Well, I've had a change of heart. Somehow. For whatever reason, so I'm going to stick to neocities for at least a little while.
Thing is, I don't feel like having to redesign the entire website, but it's probably something I'm going to have to be doing. Oh well.

Regarding my personal life, I got discharged from the army and have been a civilian for a little over two months now.
It's definitely a positive thing, because as opposed to having to stay long weekends at the base and not having any free time at all, I can now slowly come back to old hobbies and eventually figure out my life, as well as my personality;
However, I do kind of miss this sense of community I had at the base. The world seems like a much colder place now, haha.

As far as studying goes, my psychometric (kind of like the SAT) course is starting this Wednesday.
Been studying a bunch of Hebrew words for the past few months and bits of middle-school level math required for the test, and I'm finally going to start, and two months from now I will have already grinded the living hell outta my brain and will have (hopefully) gotten the score I need to apply to CompSci in my university of choice.

Also, we got my mom a Maltese puppy for her 50th birthday a few weeks ago.
He's this fluffy, white-furred cutest little thing, and like the weeb I am, of course I was going to be naming him something in Japanese.
Which is what I did. This handsome guy's name is Yuki.

Oh, and I also flunked my stick driving test this Sunday. How fun! D:
Going to re-take the test this Monday. Wish me luck.

Aimee Blackschleger - Light Your Heart upי
Feeling cynically remorseful.

Sooo... Haven't written anything here in a while.
Maybe this had something to do with a "what's the point" notion after a certain Discord incident, maybe it's just an excuse because I'm getting discharged from the army soon and I want to focus on figuring out what I want to do with my life.

Things that happened with me for the few weeks I didn't write anything:

  • Signed up for an Israeli SAT course.
    The test itself is in April, and it's the last test I can take and also start studying this year (which is on October 2020).
    There's some pressure to do well, sure, but having gone through some harsh experiences in the last 3 years, I've learned not to try and rush things.
    People in Israel usually take their time, prepping themselves thoroughly before they decide to go to college, so even if it could be attributed to some "race against time" kind of sentiment, it'd be for the best not to mentally anguish myself for no good enough a reason.
  • Started looking for a part-time job.
    I was thinking about trying to work at a restaurant, maybe apply to be a cook somewhere or a bartender.
    I figured I could lay my hand on some useful skills, work some more on my social skills, etc.
    I already applied for a Thai restaurant, some "fancy" burger restaurant, working as a bartender at an Irish pub, and also being a barista at a café.
    Another option is trying to apply for a helpdesk/IT job at a high-tech company. I'll have to figure out how realistic this option really is.
  • Got a certificate of excellence from the army!
    Not to go into any details due to their being classified, I had worked very hard for no real benefits and had not received any sort of appreciation for my work.
    After 2 and 7 months of working non stop until 2 AM, staying long weekends at the base, going through guard and kitchen duties, being bossed around by commanders and even other soldiers, having been made fun of and not being able to stand up for myself as much as I should, this is a first real indication of a conclusion.
    Even though I'm not really a fighter or anything like that, I really have gone through a lot of crap. I had to figure out how to deal with people who were hostile towards me, had to learn how to not let people step all over me to get what they want, etc.
    I'm glad it's finally going to be over though, and hopefully all the skills I had acquired during my service will help me deal with the real world and reach my goals, eventually.

  • Also, today's Yom Kippur I guess.
    I'm not really religious in any form or way, I'm really just a secular person who browses obscure sites on the web.
    I guess I might even meet the definition of being agnostic, maybe even an atheist; But still, I couldn't help but let the Yom Kippur spirit get to me and let my thoughts wander around.
    For those of you who don't know, Yom Kippur is this day during the October-November period, where you'd fast to atone for your sins towards god, as well as towards other people.
    However, rather than focus on the "sins towards god" part, people tend to focus on sins against other people, and at this time of the year, you'd see a lot of people texting and sending letters about their "being sorry if they've offended or hurt you in anyway", wishing you an easy fast and that you may be "signed and sealed in the book of life

    Thus, not being able to really detach myself from all the wrongs I had to right this year, I started thinking about people I should probably send an apology to.
    I don't know if I'll actually send them all the apology, but the least I can do is be honest with myself so that I don't ever behave the same way again.

★MANIA★ - Sonic Mania VOCAL THEME [Hyper Potions ft. Skye Rocket]
Feeling regretfully nostalgic. Also, the banter is within me.

EDIT: This journal now has a dedicated log on the computers&programming realm. Click here to be transferred.

So today I ran into an old family flash drive while trying to set up Emby for my TV.
It had a bunch of pretty ancient family pictures: ones where my grandfather was still alive, my father still had a head full of hair, my sister was still cute and totally not a meanie (don't tell her that part :S).
Seeing myself, a handsome little twat, still innocent and happy, was a real emotional rollercoaster for me, and also made me feel very nostalgic.
And also regretful to a degree, in the sense that those times are gone now, and maybe I didn't do enough to try to stay that way (which is probably just bullcrap, but let me feed myself lies, I hear it does wonders for your mental health).
I started noticing photos of myself looking rather sad from 2011 onwards. Wonder what happened during that period of time.

Anyways, among the photos I also found a backup I made for some of my files, which dates all the way back to 2009 (!)
On an unprecedented nostalgia spree, I decided that I'd take it upon myself as a mission, to find and backup every single file I can from 2015 and earlier.
All of these files basically reside in two spots:
* My old computer from 2007
* The laptop my dad once won in a lottery in like 2009
* Maybe more flash drives and CD/DVD disks around the house

... Well, easier said than done.
Ye olde DELL laptop is, as for the time this post was written, MISSING IN ACTION.
I wonder if my mom might have thrown it away by accident or something.
I'll keep looking for it anyways.

As far as flash drives and old disks go, I'll be on the lookout.
It's pretty late here and I'm kind of lazy anyways, so I won't be doing the hunt tonight.
It'll have to happen some other day. I'll update once I get to it.

Which, how convenient, leaves us with the old computer from 2007.

First thing first, I told myself, I have to get some of the dust out.
"It's probably going to blow up if I try to just plug'n'play my way into getting these files!" - I thought to myself, taking pride in my superior intelect.
That's when I realized that I was actually just making a mess, with dust sullying everything on the balcony while I blow at the computer with my sister's hairdryer.
Also, I forgot to clean the GPU properly, so when I finally cleaned everything up, the computer would just beep for like four times and not actually turn on.

When it finally did, I realized I had tried to turn it into a fucking KODI machine running Debian like 3 years ago.

All this work for nothing.
I didn't even remember the password for the root user.
And even if I did, this computer was already done for.
Gets stucks instantly when I try to do anything.

It was time for the big guns, I told myself.
It's time to put my technical skills on the line.

It's time... To get into action!

Tearing the computer apart.
GTFO, stupid screws!
Get out of my way, sata and power supply connections!

... Thing is, it doesn't even FIT into the case of my new computer, so I had to just, you know,

Well, that was fun.


Aaaanyways, fter hooking the hard drive to a sata port, and what seems to be a suspicious cable coming from the power supply, it finally worked!
My old hard drive has finally been detected! :D
I couldn't find a lot of sensible stuff on that computer, though.
Mostly old .txt files where a younger me rambled about things 2012 me would ramble about (made me shed some tears, though :X).
Oh, and a bunch of bi-lingual pre-2013 memes too, I guess!
I'm going to start a page where I'll share every old meme I can find.
It's currently in construction, so I'll link it
when I'm done.

This mission has yet to come to an end, although it might not end in the near future.
Stay tuned!

Delta Sleep - 21 Letters
Feeling joyfully helpless

Welp, it's now past midnight on a Monday. Everyone's already back to the base.
Everyone in my room is already sleeping, and here I am making a post on my neocities journal.
Feels kind of relaxing in a sense, since everyday routine in the base can be kind of wearying.

Bantered a bunch with the "lads", had some real unhealthy food (note to self: it's time to get back to eating healthier), and overall didn't do a whole lot.
I didn't get to watch any anime in the end, which sucks I guess.
I blame it on my headphones, though. They decided to finally kick the bucket after more than two years, JUST AS I WAS GOING TO STAY THE WEEKEND AT THE BASE.
Oh well, there's going to be time to watch all of my asian cartoons eventually.
R-Right? =<

Man, this site is a mess, as far as the design and sitemap go.
Too many links on the navigation menu and no clear structure have made it a pain to try to add any content to the website.
I'm going to try and rework the layout a little bit once I get home (which is on... Thursday!),
And I'd also like to add new pages to the hobby realm. I'm going to get to it eventualy.

Just wait for me!

Kanashimi Tachi Wo Dakishimete - Hiroko Moriguchi
Feeling optimistically despairing

Didn't do a lot today, just the usual, mundane, annoying stuff that I don't like doing.
After I was done, I started thinking about my imminent discharge from the army.

I really let myself get devoided over the years. It's going to be a journey to recall my old passions, and maybe find some new ones.
I've kind of decided that I'm not going to sign up for more time in the army. It's probably already just a waste of my time, anyway.
No money is worth the absence of my freedom.

The question of what I AM going to do once I'm out of the army, is kind of thrilling actually.
Will I fly over to Japan and maybe do some volunteering? Get back to studying Japanese? (although I might do that anyway)
Am I going to follow my passion and try to learn how to draw and produce electronic music?
Will I learn how to play an electric guitar?
How long will it take until I get a sufficient score on the Israeli SAT and go to uni?
And even then, what in the world am I going to study?
What will be my role on this planet?

Will I ever get into politics, or is it too late?
Could I become a journalist (like Amit Segal) or a philosopher (Like Yeshayahu Leibowitz or Jordan Peterson)?
Will I get back to playing more games, maybe hang out with friends more?
Will I read more books? Become a math prodigy? Will I become the smarter version of myself I always wanted to be?
Will I learn to love life again for what they really are? Enjoy the little things more?

Or rather, could it be that I'm just making excuses, using the army as a means to procrastinate, just like always?
Does my inability to start working on my passions and dreams stem from something deeper, that has to do with all sorts of insecurities and self-image issues, or is it just your typical le-9gag-lazy-cat-xD kind of behavior, which means that I'm exaggerating my problems?

It's probably all true to an extent, but all of these thoughts have kind of turned my head into a mush, overthinking everything is pretty tiring.
I would at least like to will have had some memorable experiences and gained some sense of "creative" accomplishment before having to "get my shit together" and make peace with the fact that I'm going to have to move on with my life.
If that makes sense, in a way.
It doesn't even have to be anything big, and I'd like to think I'm always going to have that childish-like component to my personality, so it's not like it has to be this dramatic thing where I'm not going to ever be that same person again.
Just a few months of relatively care-free, mind-opening and memorable experiences, will be sufficient.

Anyways, that's enough of my ramblings. It's so late at night that I'm allowing my thoughts to get scattered all over the place.
I should probably be trying to get some sleeping by now, and that's what I'm going to be doing.
I'll sleep over all of these issues, and let you know if I come up with anything.

Have a good one! :3

Aimer - Kataomoi
Feeling blissfully knackered.

Welp, I pretty much woke up at 16:30 today, after working throughout the night.
Staying the weekend at the army sucks, but what can we do about that? O-o
Woke up to my army friends offering me some Knafeh (this bad boy).
We also made some Turkish coffee which paired really nicely with the sweetness of the Knafeh.

Also, feeling kind of clueless on what awaits in the distance, per se.
Getting discharged in just over two months, and I'm still ont 100% sure on what I'm going to be doing.
I'm going to watch some Your Lie In April today on Netflix, maybe hang out with some of my army friends;
But most importantly, maybe WORK ON MY NEOCITIES SITE! :D
I'll keep you updated on whatever's happening, whoever you are.

Oh, and also, I made myself an escargot account, after seeing Miki talk about it on her journal.
Feel free to send me an invite over there:
BOB DYLAN - Mr Tambourine Man
Feeling hopefully devastated

Today is the day where I came closer to making up with my friend from the army.
It's been a rough day in the army. Sounds kind of lame mentioning the word army so many times, but such is my reality. LAME.
We sat together for a very long time, started making a bunch of jokes, then ended up lifting some veggie schnitzel and tortillas from the kitchen, making the most disgusting late-night munch ever made.
Yeah, it's been a while since we had that huge argument that had us drift apart from each other. I acted very childish, anyways. I'm not proud of how I handled things back then.

Oh, and yesterday I went to the wedding of a girl-friend from the army.
It was a lot of fun. Lots of alcohol and fun people to talk to.
Her boyfriend was pretty cool. He's part of the Israeli hip-hop scene, and from what he let me listen to from his SoundCloud, he's legitimately good at what he does.

Thing is, I had to go back to the base right after the wedding.
Having had almost no sleep at all (I was sleeping for maybe an hour before I woke up terrified of how late it was).
I thought to myself about how much sleep I would be getting once I got to the base.
... Of course, reality can be rather disappointing.
Oh, well. Three months to go.
Do wait for me, excessive otaku media consumption! (and also uni, I guess).

Really excited to actually start this blog, by the way.
I realize I might get too consumed by my own rambling from time to time, but it really does bring me joy to be able to share stuff this way.
There are a lot of things from the past few weeks I want to share with all of you;
And I'll get to it.

Well, Eventually.

23/08/2019, 01:18 AM, Feeling hopefully devastated (note to self: NEVER staying in the army.)